FULL BLOG SCHEDULE COMING TOMORROW

Jabronis Beware: The Rock Is Fucking BACK Baby!

I would call this the greatest comeback story ever if it wasn't for me making it to Jazz Appreciation this morning. Seriously sat in bed till like 30 seconds for class waiting for my Evan Williams-filled head to explode after I painted my bathroom wall in cheap whiskey and pizza rolls last night. He's talking syncopation up there but all I hear is regurgitation. But holy shit! Has there ever been something like this in the WWE before? Doubt it! Just Vince McMahon working his XFL magic again showing everyone why the WWE is a powerhouse organization. But in all seriousness I'm fucking pumped, this is like Michael Jordan coming back to the NBA after baseball didn't work out. I can't wait to take my first walk down Know Your Role Boulevard, and hang that right on Jabroni Drive. You better fucking believe I'm gonna be watching Monday Night Raw next week. Now that I think of it, where can I even watch this shit? I heard it was on like Telemundo or some shit like that. Fuck it, I'll just drink Mad Dogs and watch the Bruins.

video link- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5webrAZSBhY

story- barstoolu.com

Bruins-Toronto Phil Kessels Preview

I don't care what anyone says, this game is ABSOLUTELY a must-win. The past few games have just been piss poor efforts since the Dallas Debacle, which in a sense is understandable. We're one more loss away from B's Nation screaming for Julien and Chiarelli's head again. Seguin, when he's in the lineup, has been going about as hard as Chris Webby at a frat party. Look for him to respond tonight though as he'll likely try to send a message to coach. Even my man-crush Marchand is -5 the last 2 games after his red hot start to 2011. A move to replace the hole still left by Kessel's offense is still necessary and I'd look to see the Bruins acquire either an offensive defenseman or a pure sniper. If we can do either one of those things, I will personally find Claude Julien's chin for him.

Like I said, this is a must-win game tonight. All of the games against the Phil Kessels have been tight and tonight shouldn't be any different. They've been playing not horrible hockey as of late either so this could easily be a trap game if the Bruins don't come out flying.

This Thing WIll Haunt Your Dreams

I don't know which is weirder, the fact that they made an adult sized My Little Pony costume , or that fucking creepy mask. It looks entirely too real and I'm probably gonna have to smoke an ounce of weed to sleep tonight.

Lady Gaga Shows Up To Grammy's In Egg

If Lady Gaga wasn't the craziest transsexual/bisexual bitch on the planet she's got the title now. How many more times are we gonna let Lady Gaga do weird shit like this without realizing just how fucking out of her mind she is. If she's not shaking her balls around Mets games she's showing up to award shows in meat suits and alien egg chambers. I thought this was a deleted scene from Zoolander or something the first time I saw it. If I decided to show up to my seminar classes carried by 4 dudes wearing body condoms in an egg chamber on a cross I'd look like a fucking nut. But no, since it's Lady Gaga it's artistic. That shit's just so beyond fake life I don't get it. And doesn't Lady Gaga always bitch about the paparazzi? I mean I'm no PR expert but I'm pretty sure this shit does not keep a low profile. If you don't want 1000 cameras in your face all the time maybe you shouldn't wear meat suits or show up to the Grammy's in a fucking egg.

P.S. Sweet sunglasses I bet it's real bright in there.

-Huffington Post